🥤When is the right time to marry?

👋 Good afternoon! Is anyone else feeling overstimulated by the number of art events happening this week in Lagos? Well, hold that thought because before you completely give up, you should try attending the CANEX weekend. The great Funke Akindele will be there in all her glory, and this is actually the time to gain meaningful connections in time for next year. More details on this below- scroll!

In this issue:

Fourteen Years Together, But the Timing for Marriage Never Felt Right

In this week’s Spilling the Juice, Yomi* (30) talks about his relationship with his childhood sweetheart, Evelyn* (29), and how their journey of figuring life out came with an unresolved question: when was the right time to get married? He reflects on how his unreadiness affected their relationship, how things eventually ended, and why he wishes he had handled things differently.

Evelyn had always been an important part of my life. We'd come a long way together from our secondary school days. When I got admitted to a university, Evelyn got into a polytechnic. Since both institutions were in the same town, we got a place together.

We took on each other's responsibilities and did whatever we could to make ends meet. I picked up small jobs, helping people type their final-year projects, assisting classmates with assignments, and taking on other odd jobs. Evelyn, on the other hand, started selling drinks and snacks.

Business went well, and we made enough to take care of ourselves and occasionally send some money home. We were both firstborns in our respective families, so we had responsibilities beyond ourselves.

After graduating, getting a proper paying job became another headache for me. Evelyn, meanwhile, was preparing to pursue her degree. I eventually convinced her that moving to Lagos would be a good idea.

A cousin had promised to get me a job, and I believed the move would give us better opportunities. Evelyn was hesitant because she would be leaving behind the business she'd built, but after much persuasion, she agreed, and we relocated.

Things didn't immediately work out as I'd imagined. The job my cousin eventually got for me was as an assistant to a car dealer. There were good business days and bad ones, and although I managed to earn a living, the frustrations started piling up. Staying with my cousin also created some tension between us.

Evelyn wasn't comfortable with the arrangement, and things became even more difficult when her business struggled to pick up. Most of the drinks she prepared went unsold and eventually had to be given away. It was difficult watching the business she'd worked hard to build struggle like that.

Things eventually improved when I was able to help her secure a kiosk around a school environment. Her business started picking up again, and we could finally afford to move into a mini flat of our own. Around this time, we both returned to school. I enrolled in a master's degree program while Evelyn went back to complete her degree.

As I continued along the academic path, with the goal of eventually becoming a lecturer, Evelyn's business also began to thrive. We were both committed to the relationship, and despite the challenges we'd faced, we continued building a life together. By then, we'd spent about 14 years in each other's lives, counting from our secondary school days.

However, one issue kept coming up between us: marriage. I kept telling Evelyn that the time wasn't right and that we needed to become more financially comfortable before taking that step. For me, getting a proper paying job was an important definition of success.

I wanted to be established, have a stable career, and be in a position to provide a comfortable life for us. I still had to pursue my PhD and find lecturing opportunities, while Evelyn was only just approaching the final stages of her degree. I felt there were still things we needed to put in place before getting married.

But Evelyn didn't see things the same way. She believed we didn't have to wait until everything was perfect. Whatever we were managing at the time was enough to start a marriage, and we could continue building our lives together. She wasn't asking for a perfect financial situation. She wanted us to take the next step after everything we'd already been through together.

Eventually, this became a recurring source of disagreement. We had a major fight that lasted for weeks, and it took the intervention of some mutual friends before we were able to settle things. After that, Evelyn gave me a year to make a decision about marriage. I took the ultimatum seriously.

I applied for more jobs and explored opportunities to travel abroad, hoping something would work out and put me in a better position to marry her. Unfortunately, none of those opportunities clicked. I was still trying to achieve the kind of financial and professional stability I believed we needed, but time was passing, and Evelyn was growing tired of waiting.

Before I knew it, she had moved out. I returned from a conference one day and discovered that she was gone. I managed to reach her over the phone, and she told me she wasn't getting any younger and that she was ending the relationship.

Initially, I thought she was bluffing or simply trying to get me to propose. I didn't believe she would actually leave after everything we'd been through. But she wasn't making an empty threat. Just like that, the woman I'd known for most of my adult life was gone.

A neighbour later told me he didn't blame Evelyn for leaving. According to him, I hadn't shown enough seriousness about marrying her. He felt I could have at least proposed, even if we weren't financially where I wanted us to be.

Looking back, I agree with him. I had spent so much time trying to establish myself that I hadn't fully considered how my constant postponement was affecting Evelyn. I thought I was preparing for our future, but perhaps I wasn't showing her enough commitment to the future she wanted us to have.

Eventually, I secured a lecturing job at the same university where I was pursuing my postgraduate studies. I felt I was finally getting somewhere and was ready to take the step I'd postponed for so long. I wanted Evelyn to know that things were beginning to fall into place.

But when I tried to make things right, I discovered she was already seeing someone else. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. After 14 years together, I couldn't understand how she had moved on so quickly. I had imagined that we would eventually find our way back to each other, especially now that I was finally getting the stability I'd wanted.

I didn't take the news well. Feeling betrayed and desperate to get her to listen to me, I went looking for her at her kiosk. I was told she'd already left, but I eventually spotted her not too far away. I approached her and tried to explain that I'd finally secured a lecturing job and that things were changing for me. I wanted her to understand that I was now ready for the future we'd once discussed.

But Evelyn seemed to have made up her mind. My desperation got the better of me, and I caused a scene trying to get her attention. The incident only made things worse, and she eventually blocked me everywhere.

I know I wanted to marry Evelyn, but that level of stability never seemed to arrive at the right time. Sometimes, I wonder whether I was right to insist on getting financially established before marriage.

I wanted to give us a comfortable life, without realizing this woman had been willing to build it with me, even when we had little. I know I had my faults, but after all those years, I never imagined she would move on that quickly.

If you’d love to spill the juice on your love story, tell us here. You can be anonymous if you prefer.

CANEX WKND 2026 Opens Today in Lagos with Global Stars, Creative Leaders and Exciting Experiences

Young and creative people, get in here! CANEX WKND 2026 officially opens today at the National Theatre in Lagos, bringing together creatives, entrepreneurs, investors, industry leaders, and cultural enthusiasts from across Africa and the world for four days of creativity, business, and cultural celebration.

From 5 to 8 November, the event will showcase Africa's Creative and cultural industries through performances, exhibitions, masterclasses, business conversations, networking opportunities, and sporting experiences.

Global Stars to Meet
This year's gathering will welcome an impressive line-up of international stars and leading creative voices, including three-time Emmy Award winner Uzo Aduba, award-winning Nollywood actress and filmmaker Funke Akindele, celebrated actor Richard Mofe-Damijo (RMD) and award-winning Ghanaian actress Juliet Ibrahim.

They will be joined by creatives, entrepreneurs and influential personalities from across the continent and the global creative economy.

CANEX Mega Concert: Celebrating African and Caribbean Music
Music takes centre stage at the CANEX Mega Concert on Saturday 7th of November, featuring an exciting line-up of African and Caribbean performers, including Davido, Flavour, Fally Ipupa, Sabrina Francis, Cali-Ber Tha Grime and DJ duo Wanni and Handi.

Hosted by popular Nigerian comedian and actor Bovi, the concert promises an unforgettable celebration of African and Caribbean music and culture.

The Legends Football Game
Football fans can also look forward to The Legends Football Game on Sunday 8th of November, bringing some of the sport's celebrated icons together on the pitch for an exciting match in Lagos.

The game will add another dimension to the CANEX WKND experience, bringing together sports, entertainment and fans.

You can get tickets via Tix Africa.

Four Days. Seven Sectors. One Continent.

Across four days, CANEX WKND 2026 will spotlight eight sectors: Music and Performing Arts, Film, Fashion, Gastronomy, Visual Arts, Literature and Sports.

The programme will create opportunities for industry connections, business partnerships, knowledge exchange and the promotion of African creative talent.

Things are easy because participants can download the CANEX WKND 2026 app from the Apple App Store and Google Play Store to explore the programme, save sessions and stay updated on event activities.

CANEX WKND 2026 is free and open to registered participants. If you’re not registered, it’s not too late to visit wknd.canex.africa to secure your place.

For further information, visit wknd.canex.africa or contact [email protected].

Follow CANEX:
Facebook: @CreativeAfricaNexus | X: @CANEXAfrica | Instagram: @CreativeAfricaNexus | LinkedIn: @CreativeAfricaNexus

In our last issue, the majority (50%) prefer to date someone older. This week, we want to know how long you think a relationship needs to last.

This week, we want to know what age difference you generally prefer in a relationship.

Hi darling,

It’s okay to be overwhelmed. You can love your girlfriend, have imagined a future with children, and still not be ready to become a father right now.

Those feelings can coexist, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. I just need you to know there’s a difference between wanting to have a say in a decision and having the right to make that decision.

This pregnancy affects your life too, so you absolutely have the right to express your fears, concerns, and reservations. You should be able to discuss what this means for your relationship, finances, and future.

However, it’s her body, and she’s the one who will experience the physical demands and risks of pregnancy. The final decision about whether to continue it belongs to her.

So, how do you communicate without making her feel pressured? Make it clear that you’re not trying to negotiate her decision; you simply want an honest conversation.

Tell her you’re scared, that you weren’t expecting parenthood this soon, and that you’d like you both to talk openly about what comes next. You can respect her decision without pretending you’re suddenly okay with everything.

Also, please listen to her too. She’s probably processing a lot herself. Ask how she’s feeling and what support she needs. This shouldn’t become a conversation where your fears are the only ones that matter.

Now, if she’s decided to continue the pregnancy, understand that you don’t have to wake up tomorrow feeling like Father of the Year. Sometimes you grow into parenthood, but you have to be willing to show up.

That means being present during the pregnancy, discussing finances, attending appointments, and taking responsibility for raising the child. Don’t wait until the baby arrives before figuring out what being an involved father looks like.

Most importantly, don’t punish her emotionally for choosing to keep the pregnancy. Don’t withdraw affection, become resentful, or make her feel guilty. Equally, she should give you room to process your feelings. You can disagree about the timing and still treat each other with love and respect.

I have to add this, though. Next time, please remember that having conversations about wanting children someday is not contraception LOL. If you’re not ready for fatherhood, take your protection seriously. Don’t leave family planning to vibes, hope, and the grace of God.

Both of you have a responsibility here. This may not be how you planned to become a father, but you can still choose how you show up. Your child deserves a father who is willing to grow, take responsibility, and love them, not one who spends years resenting the circumstances of their arrival.

Love,

Big Aunty

Big Aunty has heard it all, and she's not judging you. Bring all your questions to the table, she’ll answer honestly. Ask anonymously here.

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